Feeling a lot less positive today. Need to find my upbeat head again. I was looking forward to the culmination that was my plastic surgery appointment on Friday, as it marked a progress point. I had to be stretchered to my appointment in an ambulance, as I haven’t been allowed to sit up at all since February. Now I have news from the plastic surgeon, I feel worse. This is my pelvic MRI scan. Apparently the white bits at the bottom are the pressure sore. I have been told it’s pretty extensive.

We are lucky in that we live in a big city and therefore have access to some great resources, including medics. My plastic surgeon is highly experienced and when he’s not operating or planning surgery, he’s teaching undergraduates how to do the job. As a control freak, the first thing I did when I got home after my initial appointment, was to google him to read up on his credentials. From that perspective, I believe I am in the right hands. Apart from the normal risks of any surgery under anaesthetic, blood clots, urine infections, chest infections, the surgery itself is long, three quarters of a day long and very intricate as it is microsurgery. Apparently he will have to slice both bum cheeks open right at the top and move some of the fat from there into the cavity, ensuring the blood vessels are still attached. Way over my head. The risks of it not working, either partially or fully are between 25 and 30 percent. That risk can be anything between an infection to full skin breakdown, which would mean back to square 1. The surgery itself is fraught with complications, especially as it is so intricate. It will mean being under anaesthetic for several hours, not great for someone whose lungs are already compromised. The time I have been told I will have to stay in hospital afterwards is about a month. His surgery waiting list is 40 weeks although he has said he will prioritise me so I have to keep myself well and infection free. Eating well, sleeping well, doing weights in bed, meditating, doing morning visualisations and positive affirmations, researching the possibility of me doing a psychotherapy course when this nightmare is finally, completely over, spending time with loved ones, finding some good boxsets to watch on Netflix and painting, painting, painting are all part of the plan. It’s really hard when major surgery is hanging over your head and you can’t plan for it, but I have to be strong and move forward, I have no choice.

In the meantime, sending out my paintings for new customers is a fab feeling. The colours and the images really cheer me up. Hope you like them too!

Remember you can follow me on instagram @thewonkyartist Facebook coming next.

Rachel x